Taking compassion abroad

Pam Derby has traveled to South Africa and the Middle East — studying, practicing, and teaching conflict resolution and Compassionate Listening. She has taken the idea of compassionate listening to the floor of the United Nations. She sits on the board of Peace House, has her own private counseling practice, participates in the Rogue Valley Peace Choir, and is currently drumming up support for Care Calls — a program born of a recent visit to Louisiana she and a friend have made.

Pam Derby offers support, through Care Calls, to a hurricane victim in Louisiana. Photo by Debi Smith | For the Tidings

We catch up with Pam, which isn't easy, on a quiet Friday afternoon in her comfortable living room.

DT: How long have you been in Ashland?

Pam: Ten years. A friend of mine brought me to Ashland for a visit and I knew I needed to move here.

DT: What was the transition to Ashland like?

Pam: If you have to move somewhere where you know nobody, and I knew nobody, Ashland's a great place to do that. I'd go to the coffeehouse at Bloomsbury. I'd walk in the park. I joined a newcomers' group. I enrolled in the theater department at SOU and was in a couple of plays. I eventually met counselors at the college and got involved there.

DT: Could we backtrack to your early years?

Pam: I was born in Berkeley, but only because my hometown of Lovelock, Nevada didn't have a hospital. My parents ran a ranch in Lovelock. My father was also a pilot and in 1942 when I was four, he was called to Rankin Field in Tulare, California to train pilots for the war. After the war we moved to Los Gatos.

DT: What were some of your early interests?

Pam: I was always interested in drama. And sports. My sister Jill (who recently ran an impressive but unsuccessful race in Nevada for Congress) and I spent our summers at the family cabin at Lake Tahoe--swimming, hiking, fishing....

DT: What did you want to be when you grew up?

Pam: I wanted to be an actress. In college I majored in speech and drama, with a minor in English. I ended up taking the route that seemed more secure, and was a teacher until I got married and had children. When my divorce came along and I needed to work again, I realized I no longer wanted to teach. I started taking classes and seminars in psychology. At 32 I decided to enter graduate school to get a masters in Social Work.

DT: Where has that taken you?

Pam: I became a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and worked for Solano County Mental Health for 13 years. Then I went into private practice with a colleague and founded Recovery Unlimited, an outpatient program for those recovering from chemical dependency. Here in the valley I've worked with Ontrack in Medford, with the counseling center at SOU, volunteered at Dunn House, and now have a private counseling practice.

DT: Could you talk about your decision to get involved with The Compassionate Listening Project?

Pam: 9/11 happened. Anxious to become more involved with peace work, I joined The CLP. The first trip was to Syria in May of 2002. It was life changing. Soon after, I took the advanced training program and became part of a five-person team that went to Israel and Palestine to train peaceworkers in compassionate listening.

Derby poses with two Palestinian friends she made at a refugee camp near Damascus. To read about her visit go to pamderby.blogspot.com.

DT: Is there a particular memory that stands out regarding those trips?

Pam: While we were doing a training in Jerusalem one time, working with a group of Israelis and Palestinians, a bus was bombed in the city. Everyone was shocked and terrified, but by the end of the day--due to the deep listening of each others' stories--everyone in the room was in tears and in each others' arms.

DT: Have you been on any trips recently?

Pam: Carol Hwoschinsky and I just returned from a trip to Louisiana. Nothing prepared me for the level of need that I found there. Case managers are overwhelmed by the urgent needs, while at the same time trying to deal with their own recovery. There is no time left over for just listening. So we came up with a plan to recruit people here who have been trained as listeners to call people there who the case managers don't have time to follow up with. In Lake Charles Parish alone, there are 3,000 people on a waiting list. It's a great way for people to make a difference without having to travel to Louisiana.

DT: What else are you passionate about?

Pam: My two children and 11 grandchildren. One grandson, Addison, recently moved to Ashland. It's great having him here. My granddaughter Allysha and I are especially close. We're going to hike around Southern France this summer. Then I'll be at Chartres in July for the second part of a seven-year series of week long classes on the return of the divine feminine.

DT: What is something about you that most people don't know and might find surprising--like, for example, maybe you love pickled pigs' feet or your grandmother used to fly with Amelia Earhart?

Pam: Actually, my father was friends with Amelia Earhart and she visited us at our ranch in Lovelock!

DT: If you could wave a wand and change three things in the world, what would they be?

Pam: Every high school student in the US would be required, after graduation, to spend a year in a third world country. Women would have equal access to authority positions. All children would have safe family environments and never be hungry or without shelter. Sorry, can't stop at three. War would be against international law and all conflicts resolved through mediation.

The world has so many wonderful people. I travel to hard places sometimes, where people have very little. Where people live with conflict and bullet holes everywhere. Yet, amidst it all they find happiness and love. And, I've learned, it's also possible for them to find peace.

You know, as I look back, I see that I was always drawn to conflict resolution and peace work. If someone asked me what my theme was I'd say I'm a peacemaker, I was born to make peace.

Ashland residents Pam Derby, lower right, and Carol Hwoschinsky, upper middle, gathered with members of the United Methodist Disaster Recovery Project in St. Charles Parish, Louisiana in November.

For more information on The Compassionate Listening Project, go to www.compassionatelistening.org. And if you'd like to help with the Care Calls Project, please call Pam Derby at 541-552-9441.

Debi Smith is a local freelance writer. She can be contacted at debi@mind.net