March 3, 2004

The Powderhorn

Taking the Internet plunge

Peter Hahnloser

Socially, college is a wonderful place. Friends and relationships come almost without warning, between classes, dorm life and parties. Some of these friendships become lasting affairs, while others fizzle before the tassles are turned.

But it's relatively easy to stumble across new people every term.

Those lucky enough to stick around in town after getting a degree (or dropping out) have their social circle set to go, while the rest of us end up in a new city, a new state or a different coast altogether.

The cell phone is always there to keep in touch, but it's not terribly satisfying to sit at a bar and have a few rounds with a friend who's sitting at home - in another time zone.

Getting out there

The three cities I've lived in since college have all been college towns, yet strangely devoid of people who just graduated. Apparently, I missed a memo about where I was supposed to live upon leaving school.

Maybe my schedule doesn't mesh with others in their mid-20s.

Being a 21st-century sort of person, I've combined the traditional searching methods of going out by myself, making friends through co-workers and using online personals sites - usually in that order.

A few years ago, using services like match.com seemed like the ultimate admission of social failure, but that perception seems to be changing, and with it, the types of people who have profiles online.

It hasn't been a sea change, to be sure. Now, such services are the penultimate admission of being an outcast, but the beauty of the system is that plenty of other misfits are also part of these online communities.

Personal issues

One problem with the setup of these sites is the money. Myriad people have their "free" profiles, but no one wants to pay to contact others, hoping instead that everyone they want to meet has a subscription.

Another problem becomes readily apparent when one moves from a city of 3.5 million to one of 20,000 - slim pickings. My idiosyncrasies and interests produced a list of three people, and two came from the department of tenuous matches.

And, oh yes, none of them was in Ashland.

So I was looking at one profile, and weighing the idea of spending $15-20 on the opportunity to contact someone who looked suspiciously compatible on the screen but could well be anathema in person.

Taking the plunge

Reaching a decision took about three days, after which I had to come up with something witty, yet articulate - I was fully aware that women get far more responses than men.

The problem with crafting such a response is that most of the random small-talk questions that would come up on an ordinary first date are answered in both parties' profiles. And being a novice at such things didn't help, either.

My response was received and we set up a date for coffee.

That went well, so we exchanged numbers.

Each time I log into a personals site, one of the choices is to hide or remove my profile, which is something that always confused me. If the whole point of being on there is to be seen, why cut that purpose off at the knees?

There's a very good reason: It means the search is over, for now.

I have no plans to offer my experience to one of these sites as a "success story," but who has time for that anyway at the outset of a new relationship?

And as for the money ... it's just as easy to spend $15 at the bar.

Peter Hahnloser is the news editor of the Daily Tidings. Contact him at phahnloser@dailytidings.com or 482-3456, ext. 3021.